DO IT EVEN IF IT MEANS DOING IT ALONE!!!
Do it even if it means doing it alone.
One thing I can say we often humans do is miss out on certain places or experiences because nobody wants to or cant go with us. Today let us talk about the presence we’re forced to engage with everyday, and how doing things alone/being alone may be scary but a euphoric feeling to truly enjoy ones company regardless of time or place.
Growing up before my sister was around I would say I shared most of my time alone in my own imaginary world. Not much has changed in my adult hood but I will admit my teen years I suffered from intense codependency. Sometimes still do depending the intensity of certain situations but for the most part I’d say it’s not as bad. You see growing up I had an inconsistent parent who sometimes was there sometimes wasn’t sometimes would call or the highly expected “The phone works both ways” line. My mother on the other hand was a 25/8 parent who never took a day off from being a mom. She was amazing in every way in and did everything she had to when it came to being a mom now when it came to emotions yeah good luck getting any healthy reaction when it came to anger or sadness.
When I finally started dating it took me years to realize I was dating people who loved me how my parents loved me and the reason I was never going to be satisfied was because that wasn’t the love I deserved. Even though I came to that epiphany it was a struggle letting said person go. I think this is something a lot of people start to realize in the beginning steps of healing, how our own subconscious can recognize emotional patterns and finds comfort in the familiarity even when it’s a “negative”experience or emotion. Something I got tired of lying to myself about and people after every failed dating experiment “I need to be alone and i’m going to be alone” . At some point it became a broken record and a broken promise because of course like i’ve said before if an opportunity at love comes my way I won’t turn it down. At my grown age now I can definitely say i’ve turned love down more than younger me would’ve expected and it’s actually something that i’m proud of.
You see the human experience is all about connection and experience and while 80% of the journey is filled with people and shared experiences there’s only one person who can never leave your side and that’s YOU. Being alone doesn’t mean you have to be lonely no that’s not what i’m advocating, we still need human connection and interaction to thrive. Being alone can mean many things like being comfortable in one’s own presence your own skin free to spend your time however you please without having to worry about satisfying anyone other than yourself. There’s a beautiful audio that I listen to quite frequently especially during my hard times it’s called “ No estás deprimido estás distraído” translation “You’re not depressed you’re distracted” and in this hour long audio a part that will always speak volumes to me is when Facundo Cabral says “At last it’s not so bad being alone, I spend my time well deciding at any moment what I want to do and thanks to my alone time I know myself fundamentally enough to live”. I don’t think I could’ve found a better quote that accurately reflects how beautiful it feels to be in serenity with your aloneness. I had the opportunity once to meet an incredible person who I can say helped me quite a lot in the few months we shared. In my eyes he had everything the career the success and a beautiful family something that most people want or aim to achieve. Even with all that he still wasn’t satisfied or happy or how he’s said it “I have everything and nothing all at once”. You see while I was upset complaining about how i’ve always done everything by myself and for myself he shared with me a perspective that i’ll never look back on. This beautiful human told me “ Do you know how amazing it is to not have to be tied down to anything and only have to worry about yourself you can go anywhere at anytime and do whatever it is you please because you can.” I’ve never complained about it since are those feelings still there and valid yes but if I only focus on the fact that i’m tired of doing everything by myself and alone I wouldn’t be able to appreciate and enjoy the fact that I do DO IT alone. So go see that movie alone go take yourself out on a solo date take that vacation you’ve been wanting to go on but none of your friends ever have the money to go regardless of what it is you’ve been wanting to do and for some reason you can’t bring yourself to do it by yourself GO OUT AND DO IT NOW I don’t care if you have to start small and build yourself up but regardless it’s time to get back to you and prioritizing you babes.
When and if you feel alone it’s okay become your own best friend so when loneliness does creep in it’s a familiar hug and not a howling banshee telling you no one loves you. With that being said DO IT EVEN IF THAT MEANS DOING IT ALONE.
Con mucho amor, Ediliana De La Cruz Perez🥥🌴