Hypersexual or Oversexualized?

Now I really wanted to wait awhile till

I spoke about this, but the ancestors kept telling me it needed to be brought to light and finally addressed within the community.

Without further ado todays topic Hyper-sexualization/Oversexualization within the Caribbean/POC community. Now before I begin, I'll start by saying, everything I write about, all of my personal experiences I choose to share are to either educate or bring awareness to ongoing issues in our community. You don’t know me off of the paragraphs you’ll read on what I choose to write about myself. That’s to say if you’re coming on my blog or podcast to judge I suggest you go judge your bald headed MOTTHHHAAAAA:))

I realize now as an adult where my hypersexuality started and I was pretty much a child. It first started with my first ever best friend in DR, we were absolutely inseparable. It was so bad to the point where they had to switch her to the same school after they moved me. Growing up I always had an attachment to people whether good or bad I wanted to be everywhere they were and do everything they were doing. So, it wasn’t a surprise when she became my person and my first crush.

As '“best friends “one of our favorite games were playing pretend. We would have fake beef with each other like grown adults and fake fight each other. The main reason we did this was because we saw people on television doing the same and we wanted to be just like them. It was all fun and innocent games at first until it wasn’t…….

It was only a few pecks here and there and we thought nothing of it well at least I didn’t. If the people on TV express their love this way, why can’t we. *TW. This does contain stories of child s/a if you are too sensitive for these types of stories, I really do suggest you skip some paragraphs*

A few pecks turned into her asking me to take it further like making out with her or kisses on the neck “we never took clothes off” we would try to “act” out sex scenes by getting on top of each other and just kiss. As an adult now I realize how morally wrong and how damaging/traumatizing it was and how later on it became a deeper problem in my life.

You see growing up in Dominican Republic young women are sexualized at a very young age. Something that isn’t uncommon for most WOC. We were taught to cover up instead of teaching boys how to not be more respectful. We’ve been seen as grown for things like wanting to wear shorts, wearing the color red, “talking back" when we’re just trying to defend ourselves. We’re catcalled and lusted after before we can fully even understand our own anatomys. Don’t think the men have had it easy now either , Most Men of color have been victims of S/A very very early on also most the time from grown ass women but most men will never tell you they were victims why?, because they’re taught to “take it like a man” or of course men’s favorite thing to say when someone around them denies pussy “oh you must be gay then” no he’s not gay he’s 15 and there is no reason a 23 year old women should think it’s okay to have sex with a minor doesn’t matter the gender rape is rape.

Im not making excuses for men or for anyone at that but if you really do dig further into our sexual trauma most of it comes from stories of rape, sexual assult or just being a witness to these things around us. Which comes as no surprise on why we have so many failed relationships why a lot of our young men suffer from E.D before the age of 21 and can also be the same reason men only see women as sex objects and not people. The same reason why our women turn to sex work and fast money before they even turn 18. Im not saying any of this to hurt anyones feelings and personally I dont really give a fuck how you take it. It needed to be said and has to be talked about

Something that we need to address is how common child on child S/A is. If you don’t know what I’m talking about then let me refresh your memory. “let’s playhouse” c’mon now we’ve all seen it heard or have experienced it you know exactly what it is I’m talking about. My friend who works with children was telling me a situation where the child was trying to force the other little girl to show her “her privates” and that it’s okay and normal…… They’re 8 years old and that really makes you wonder what goes on in the home that a child thinks that’s normal. Just as much as we watch our children we also need to play just as much attention when they’re with other kids.

All of these things have an effect in our adults’ lives and if we don’t realize it, we’re not only going to repeat the pattern but our children our children’s children and yearss beyond will continue out the cycle and I’m sorry but unfortunately, it’s going to have to end with us.

Something I’m so tired of having to hear and see is the Over sexualization of Hispanic/Latin women. Especially the oversexualization or our anger it’s never been cute to me or funny. Growing up and telling people I’m Dominican the first thing I would hear are “oh y’all are crazy'“ “oh you must be a fireball” “so that must mean you’re a freak” I want to know who fucking raised some of you genuinely because what in the world made you think throwing stereotypes at me is going to get my attention and make me want to speak to you do you hear how delusional that sounds.

Those same men who sexualize tf out of us bash black women under the same breath calling them disrespectful, loud, rude and mean and I’m speaking for alllllllll of us we’re tired of it, it’s getting boring please come up with something new. A lot of y’all have fetishes over “exotic” and “foreign” women then disrespect other women who '“aren’t your presence” baby let me tell you it’s not a preference thing it’s a self-hatred thing and if that’s the case which in most cases is it you let the white man win and if you don’t know what mean go pick up a book.

A trip i went to in DR that genuinely triggers me to this day is when I caught my older cousin watching me shower then when I confronted him about it his response was “we didn’t grow up together it shouldn’t matter” then proceeded to grope me. In that moment I no longer felt like body was mine I felt disgusted in who I was even though I was the victim. I never built up the courage to say it to absolutely no one in the family in fear that they wouldn’t believe me and just take his side something that isn’t too uncommon in the Caribbean. Always hiding the predator and blaming the victim and I knew I didn’t have the mental capacity to deal with something like that

It wasn’t too long after that that I started to cope with a lot of the Sexual abuse I’ve endured in negative ways. I didn’t start actually having sex till my later teen years and I stayed with the same person for a good while till we both separated and did our own thing. Thats when i met by far the worst man ive ever dealt with in my life, there were times during intercourse where i thought condom were being used and it wouldnt be till after that id see he took it off mid-way or didnt bother to put it on at all. He never saw a problem in why what he did was wrong and would tell me that im overexaggerating. We all know that that’s rape right like if someone consents to sexual intercourse, but a condom has to be present the minute you take it off without the persons knowledge that’s considered rape…. I just wasn’t to make sure we were on the same page. He would get angry with me when I would deny sex or go through extravagant lengths to convince me till I was finally tired of arguing and just give in.

After that relationship I didn’t view sex the same anymore I didn’t see it as something sacred. I’m not saying that i was just out here doing anything and anyone a bitch still had morals and was and is very picky but i started using sex as the only way I could feel love from another person because for so long it felt that people only loved me when I could offer all of me. It never bothered me till a couple months ago I quite literally don’t enjoy sex anymore and as much as I might be inclined to or want to, I never actually enjoy it. So, because of that I choose to take a break from dating and sex I never thought what I was doing was hurtful to myself or at least I didn’t think it would have this much of an impact this soon. I’m humble enough to say that hypersexuality it something I’ve dealt with from before I was a teenager and it’s something I recognized about myself that has to change if I want any genuine and value connections but most importantly if i want a genuine and valuable relationship with myself.