Why do I owe you an apology? You’re my child.

So I know the title alone might trigger some shit I know it still triggers me but that's okay. If there is anything I hope to achieve on my blog is bringing up the uncomfortable yet necessary conversations. First lets address the problem, some of us grew up in households where apologizing wasn't normal it was disrespectful to even acknowledge the fact that your parent/parents hurt you. Today I would like to say that most of us are aware that not apologizing to someone we know we hurt is damaging to a relationship/relationships. It can also be seen as the other persons emotions are invalid or not important enough to receive an apology and that is farther from the truth. In this post I will be shedding light on why its important to apologize and how does someone not apologizing to us affects us but first let me tell you guys a story....... I call it the book thief probably my most triggering memory of a time I felt I was owed an apology and still have yet to receive. It's 2006 I’m on the bus back home from school sitting next to my best friend when I look over my shoulder I see a boy from my neighborhood reading a book that catches my attention. so of course me being me I wanted to ask for it, and one thing about me I’m going after what I want my ex's can tell you that themselves. Being bold was something I was great at back to the original story though so i politely ask the kid if I could borrow the book for a day and ill return it the next day he agreed and we went on this our day. I GOT THE BOOKK YAYYY time to show mom now this is where the story takes a left turn cause nothing went right after this. I get home ecstatic to show my mom the book I borrowed welllllllllll miss mom wasn't too happy about that. You see my mom had this issue where she didn't like me bringing home things that she herself didn't buy for me as an adult I understand it a little more now but back then I really didn't especially because it wasn't like I was stealing but for her that's exactly what she thought I did. Now mind you i live in Dominican Republic where you can abuse your child in front of the whole neighborhood and it wasn't looked frowned upon it was normalized a little to normalized. she grabs the book from my hand and hits me with it I’m not going to go into too much detail cause if you're not palm colored you probably know how that went. The next day the boy came over to pick up the book and he asked my mom for it in that moment my mom realized that I for a fact didn't steal the book and it was loaned to me. How did she apologize you may wonder she asked me if was hungry then proceeded to make my favorite food that was my apology. Now I’m not telling you this story so you can feel pity for me I’m telling you this story to show how normalized not receiving an apology was. I grew up believing that someone acting like nothing happened after they hurt me was normal that receiving gifts or any material item was equivalent to an apology and it isn't. You see the story I just shared is a lot similar of what others have also went through with their parents where gift giving,love bombing and not addressing the actual issue is easier than just simply saying "I’m sorry that i hurt you that wasn't my intention" or "I was wrong how can I fix this". It's time we started having these conversations with our parents and loved ones if you feel hurt by someones words or actions you are more than entitled to bring it to their awareness. Now just because you tell them that they hurt you doesn't mean you're always going to get the response or apology that you're looking for and that's okay as long as you did your part everything else is out of your control sometimes we're going to have to move on from people that owe us apologies that will never come. Forgive and move on because at the end of the day carrying that dead weight of waiting for someone to apologize or sitting in agony because someone hurt us and they never acknowledged it is just going to cause you to spiral. You are the only person who suffers in the end so let that shit go and let them go im not saying its easy and im not saying it doesn't hurt but staying in places where we aren't valued or our feelings aren't thought of is a disservice/disrespect to ourselves. Now lets talk about why apologizing is so important, Apologizing demonstrates an acknowledgment of one's mistakes or wrongdoing. It shows self-awareness and a willingness to take responsibility for one's actions not only does it promotes understanding which is crucial in our relationships whether its romantic/platonic or with family members. Apologizing can also contribute to emotional healing for both the person offering the apology and the person receiving it. It can provide closure and alleviate negative emotions, such as anger, hurt, or resentment. While apologizing is important, it's important to note that a meaningful apology involves more than just saying sorry. It often includes acknowledging the specific wrongdoing, expressing genuine remorse, making amends where possible, and demonstrating a commitment to positive change. The sincerity of the apology and the actions taken afterward are key components in its effectiveness. I hope I helped some of you today and you'll take what i say and apply it when in need. Remember your past wasn't your fault but it is your responsibility to become better and understanding that just because we grew up that way doesn't mean it has to stay that way.